If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
