i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
