Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
