i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
