How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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