3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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