ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
