Do vagina's smell?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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