How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
