She's JV to your varsity
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
