You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
