oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
