did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
