does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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