whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
