Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
