Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
