I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
