I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
