drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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