Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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