Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
