i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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