i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
