she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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