Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
