Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize