fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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