I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
