oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
