I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
