shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
