you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize