I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
