the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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