The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
