pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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