Need sex. Gaining weight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
