Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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