I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
