So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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