she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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