Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
