A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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