you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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