there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
