If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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