You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
