Please, let me fuck your mom
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
