you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
