Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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