She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
