it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
