I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
