Say something about gay babies.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
