margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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