Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
