Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize