I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will be naked everywhere
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
