We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
