hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
