Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
