I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
